Tekk
Saiyan
Posts: 37
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Post by Tekk on Feb 16, 2005 15:57:19 GMT -5
(These may be short) Episode I: A Coin Convention
Deep in the Dahooi Mountains a sock born in a religious temple was climbing through the dangerous blizzards. The sock was named Holy Sock. He sought shelter in a nearby cave where he drifted off in a deep slumber. He awoke moments later due to a bright light in the cave. Holy Sock saw a man in the cave opening a portal. 'What are you doing' asked Holy Sock.The man jumped and turned around. 'I...err...I-I'm...um maykin' a...Tryspirrosymemeninensinoal Portal!' 'A Treewanpissomental-wa-wah!?' 'A Tryspirrosymemeninensinoal Portal!' 'Who are you' 'I'm THE WIZARD!!!!!!!' (loud thunder in backgroud) 'So Wizard...' (loud thunder in backgroud) 'WHAT!' 'Why are you making a trytretrenchshipal portal?' 'It'a a Tryspirrosymemeninensinoal Portal!!!' shouted the Wizard (loud thunder in backround), 'because I want to send one sorry soul in it!' 'Well I'm a...' 'GOOD' The Wizard grabbed Holy Sock and through him in the Tryspirrosymemeninensinoal Portal made by THE WIZARD!!!! (loud thunder in background). He swirled and swirled and swirled around the portal until he woke up next to a Slot Machine. 'Now what the (loud cars passing by) are you doing here you piece of (loud car horn is heard)?' The slot machine's hand (yes it has hands) turned into a plasmatic minigun. 'Gulp' gulped Holy Sock. TO BE CONTINUED
Now be honest tell me what you think.
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 16, 2005 18:31:57 GMT -5
I'm confused but its good ^_^ short but good
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Tekk
Saiyan
Posts: 37
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Post by Tekk on Feb 17, 2005 11:03:00 GMT -5
Thanks!
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SockPerson
Super Saiyan 2
Where is my mind?
Posts: 544
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Post by SockPerson on Feb 18, 2005 1:57:48 GMT -5
I love the concept. ;D The dialogue was a little weak, and I didn't bother trying to read "Tryspirrosymemeninensinoal" the first time, let alone how ever many times it's repeated. It's greatest strength is that it's random funkyness. But ultimately it isn't clear what your trying to do here. Also, how many "holes" does the Holy Sock have? EDIT: And don't take my comments as any kind of discouragement.
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Post by Little Syxx on Feb 18, 2005 9:36:10 GMT -5
Well, I'm not a big fan of the format (It's not exactly narrative format...but it's not exactly script either) but other than that it seems like a good opening. ;D
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Tekk
Saiyan
Posts: 37
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Post by Tekk on Feb 18, 2005 11:17:56 GMT -5
I love the concept. ;D The dialogue was a little weak, and I didn't bother trying to read "Tryspirrosymemeninensinoal" the first time, let alone how ever many times it's repeated. It's greatest strength is that it's random funkyness. But ultimately it isn't clear what your trying to do here. Also, how many "holes" does the Holy Sock have? EDIT: And don't take my comments as any kind of discouragement. Holy Sock has exactly 34 holes through him.
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SilverWarriorGoku
Super Saiyan
"You won't survive whats the point of even trying?"
Posts: 191
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Post by SilverWarriorGoku on Apr 1, 2005 6:22:13 GMT -5
Thats even more weird than the fan fic that I'm writing. Mine will be released all in good time muhaahahaha Also, you should include a character named cookie doh. Lol.
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