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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 23, 2005 17:41:57 GMT -5
OH NO!!
j/k Well in my language art class , we read about poems and it made me want to write one so here it is...
Puddle
I feel the night staring right.
I see no light, not even a slight.
I hear myself cry, my face is not dry.
My heart is dark full of hate.
But oh no, the hate is not for others.
The hate is for me and only me.
I hate the way I cant help others.
I can help on a singal person.
But...I want more...I want to help not one but all.
I fall in the puddle of blood, that I set out for myself.
I try to clean the blood for others wont see.
But then I feel a growing pain in me.
I look down and see..
I see the blood...is mine....
Now please some reply ...
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Post by gokuromario on Feb 23, 2005 17:56:13 GMT -5
hmmm confusing, dark, original...................who am i kidding i didnt really like it, its a good gothic poem but i guess i'm not that into things like that.
good poem though i just didnt understand it
but keep doing what your doing, talent comes from all shapes and forms
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 23, 2005 18:23:26 GMT -5
hmmm confusing, dark, original...................who am i kidding i didnt really like it, its a good gothic poem but i guess i'm not that into things like that. good poem though i just didnt understand it but keep doing what your doing, talent comes from all shapes and forms Your not into gothic? your the one who suggested the gothic board, and just glance at your email. Dont lie or try to act cool  You didnt understand the poem , becuz you have no idea what I am going through.. I didnt even mean it to come out gothic, Im not gothic myself. |
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Post by gokuromario on Feb 23, 2005 18:29:14 GMT -5
oh ok, it just sounded like a kind of gothic poem, or one of those ones that dont rhyme.
and by the way, i'm not gothic, i'm more mosher or punk, i just thought goths would like a chat room, and i made that name up when i was about 13, i like the name gothicdemon because it grew on me.
good job anyhow
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 23, 2005 18:31:35 GMT -5
The begining rythmes...kinda &_& Are poems suppose to rythme , the last time I check they didnt have to  Well I was just wondering if its good for a 1st and from someone else, Outlaw has already spoken what he thinks. |
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Post by YoshikiRose on Feb 23, 2005 18:32:11 GMT -5
There are quite a few grammar mistakes, but because it's poetry, I'm not going to modify it.. The rhyming that you tried was a little rough around the edges, so you do need some work. And in poetry...remember, yourself is not the most important thing. I wrote angst poetry, but I also had other stuff too Hmm. I really haven't looked over poetry in a while. But I WAS the mod of the former Poetry board...eh.....I'm rusty. By the rhyming, I mean, you started rhyming then you went off into oblivion with mixed words. Poetry is supposed to have a rhythm, for the most part. I can't really judge, but it's a story with a scheme to it; that's poetry. There are tons of exceptions, but they can SUCK IT. Hmm..anyways.. |
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 23, 2005 18:37:16 GMT -5
...  ^Is that a good thing, cuz I'm confused on how you think about MY poem  |
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Post by DeLaRocha99 on Feb 23, 2005 18:42:29 GMT -5
... ^Is that a good thing, cuz I'm confused on how you think about MY poem It's called condtructive critisism. And I agree on most of everything she said about your poem. It needs work and it sounded kind of forced... |
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 23, 2005 18:44:27 GMT -5
It's called condtructive critisism. And I agree on most of everything she said about your poem. It needs work and it sounded kind of forced... Forced? What do you mean by that? |
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Post by DeLaRocha99 on Feb 23, 2005 18:50:06 GMT -5
Forced? What do you mean by that? No offense but your poem came off sounding like you forced it out and it didn't come out smoothly. 'Puddle' is a good name though  |
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 23, 2005 19:14:06 GMT -5
No offense but your poem came off sounding like you forced it out and it didn't come out smoothly. 'Puddle' is a good name though I dont understand what you mean "Forced?" |
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Post by gokuromario on Feb 24, 2005 6:25:39 GMT -5
it means like you forced it out like you forced too much on one emotion into the poem or you shouted it out to the world or things like that
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Post by YoshikiRose on Feb 24, 2005 6:28:06 GMT -5
If it sounds too forced, it means it sounds like...you didn't really mean what you were saying in the poem.
You can tell if an actor is "forcing" their lines if they are too overdramatic...if they are overacting. Putting TOO much power into their work.
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Post by gokuromario on Feb 24, 2005 6:33:40 GMT -5
really, thats really interesting
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Post by ~*Hieislove*~ on Feb 24, 2005 14:39:53 GMT -5
If it sounds too forced, it means it sounds like...you didn't really mean what you were saying in the poem. You can tell if an actor is "forcing" their lines if they are too overdramatic...if they are overacting. Putting TOO much power into their work. Oh well if thats what it meant , I didnt force it at all. That is how I really feel. Well I'm writing another one and a happy one too |
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