The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire *Final Update*

[Little Syxx]

The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire: Part One

Out in the desert Tien and Chiatzou were training. Why you might ask seeing as Buu was defeated five years ago? Well what else is there to do in the desert? As the two exchanged punches and kicks Chiatzou noticed something falling from the sky.

“Hey Tien. What’s that?”

Tien turned his head as the object landed. “I don’t know.” He replied. “But I’m gonna find out. Come on.”

The two began walking towards the object, but as soon as they got there hid behind some rocks when they felt how powerful the occupants were.

“Whoa.” Tien said. “Those guys are both way stronger than us!”

Chiatzou nodded. “Yeah, we’d better hope they don’t see us or sense our energy.”

They heard the door open and peaked their heads over the rocks and gasped.

Standing there, wearing the standard Saiyan armour, were a fat balding guy with a tail and a very small creature with horns and a very familiar looking face.

“So, Onio. This is where my father, grandfather and uncle were killed and where the last Saiyans, besides yourself of course, live?” The small one asked.

“Yep.” The fat one, the Saiyan Onio, replied. “This is the planet Lord Kuriza.”

The eyes of Chiatzou and Tien widened.

“Th-th-that’s Frieza’s son?” Chiatzou gasped. “We’ve gotta warn the others!”

Tien nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

As Tien and Chiatzou flew off another creature fell out of the ship, a bunch of food from the ship was in his arms and he had a big grin on his face and was wearing the same gi students of Master Roshi‘s usually wore. He was no student of Roshi‘s though. He was a Neko Majin, a strange, cat like creature, named Z.

“I got the food!” Z said turning his head to realise nobody was there. “Hey, where’d ya go?”

Z looked around or his friend then sighed. “I guess the ship was moving.” He said to himself when he realised his friend wasn’t there. “Ah well, guess I’ll just have to wait until Kuriza and Onio decide to go home…until then though!” Z began stuffing his face with the food he stole while Onio fiddled around with his scouter.

“Lord Kuriza, I’ve locked on the ki of a large group of Saiyans a few thousand miles from here. I detect four full bloods and one halfling.”

Kuriza smirked. “Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s go start rebuilding my families Empire!”

The two flew off towards where the other Saiyans were as Z continue to eat.

“Hey, this has coconut on it!”

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At the Son home Goku, in his new Super Saiyan 4 form, suddenly stopped training and looked towards the sky.

“Wow, those are some pretty strong ki signatures.” He said to himself. “And one of them feels so familiar.” He tried to remember where he felt one of them before and gasped. “It’s an Ice-jin! But, that would mean that somebody related to Frieza is somewhere on the Earth!”

Goku was about to fly off but relaxed when he realised where the kis were heading. “Oh wait, their heading towards the college.” He laughed a little. “Man, are they in for a surprise when they run into Gohan and the others.”

He went back to his training but suddenly felt another, even stronger ki signature, this one feeling weirder than anything he had ever sensed in his life. He dropped out of Super Saiyan 4 and placed his fingers against his forehead.

“Let’s hope this guys isn’t very hostile.” He thought as he vanished.

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At Capsule Corp Vegeta, also training as a Super Saiyan 4, had noticed the ki signatures too. “Hmmm, so, Kuriza and Onio are alive.” He said to himself. “I thought they died when they entered that black hole but I guess I was wrong.”

He continued his training when he suddenly felt the same strange ki Goku had. “Who the hell is that?” He thought turning of the gravity and changing back into this normal form, flying out towards the desert.

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Speaking of the desert Z was still there and still eating the food in Kuriza’s ship. He got another big armful of it and decided to go outside. When he got there though he saw Goku.

“Um, hey.” Z said. “What are you doin’ here?”

Goku, realising the creature in front of him wasn’t hostile smiled and walked towards him. “My name’s Goku, I felt some pretty big ki signature here and thought I’d come over here and check it out. What’s your name?”

“Z.”

“Just Z?”

“Well, I guess my full name would be Neko Majin Z. But most people just call me Z.”

“Did you say Majin!?” Goku asked, a little worried that a repeat of the Buu crisis might be coming up.

“Yep. Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” Goku replied with a nervous laugh. He was about to ask him how he got to Earth and why he was wearing a gi like his when Vegeta landed beside them.

“So, Kuriza is alive.” The Saiyan prince growled when he saw the ship. He got even angrier though when he realised who was with Goku.

“Oh d*mn it. Not you again!”

Z grinned and waved. “Hey there, I remember you.”

“You two have met?” Goku asked.

Z nodded. “Yeah. Some Frieza guy sent him to pick up Kuriza once and I beat him up so bad he ran off.”

“I did not run off I had a phone call telling me to return to Cold Empire HQ!”

“Wow, you must’ve had some cell phone plan.” Goku giggled as Z burst into laughter.

“Shut up, both of you!” Vegeta screamed walking over to Z. “I’m much stronger than I was the last time we met you bloated pink freak so tell me, where is Onio and Kuriza!?”

[Little Syxx]

Z pointed towards the direction they flew with his tail. “They said they were headin’ that way.”

Vegeta nodded. “Towards the college, but why? While the two of them are stronger than Turles, Nappa and Radditz their powers are useless against Gohan and Brolly.”

Z shrugged. “Kuriza said something about rebuilding his families empire when he flew off so I don’t think he wants to fight them.”

“He wants to rebuild the Cold Empire? Ha! No real Saiyan Warrior would ever join a new Cold Empire!”

************************************************************************

At Satan City College Radditz, Turles, Nappa, Brolly and Gohan were sitting in front of a projector in a class room Kuriza and Onio had commandeered. The short film entitled “Imperial Takeovers In The Name Of Evil And You” had just ended and Kuriza was standing at the front of the class.

“Any questions?” Kuriza asked.

Gohan raised his hand. “Do you really expect any of us to join you? The old Cold Empire killed billons of people, destroyed at least a dozen planets and enslaved millions not to mention the fact the pay sucks and the working conditions are very, very dangerous. I’d rather work at some stupid fast food restaurant walking around in a giant Turkey costume than work for you guys.”

Kuriza and Onio paused, realising their plan was ruined when Onio suddenly snapped his fingers. “Free Dental Plans and 10 dollars off a round of mini golf if you sign up today!”

Radditz, Turles, Nappa and Brolly all ran up towards Kuriza as fast as they could and signed up for a life time of slavery, a dental plan and 10 dollars off a round of mini gold at “Satan City Putters” as Gohan pounded his head on his desk and fought the urge to kill everybody in the room.

************************************************************************

Up on the look out Piccolo and Dende watched in disgust.

“There is seriously something wrong with those four.” Piccolo said, shaking his head as Dende nodded.

“This is really starting to worry me though. What are we going to do if Kuriza can rebuild the Cold Empire?”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it Dende. With Radditz, Brolly, Nappa and Turles as generals I’m sure this new Cold Empire won’t last very long.”

“What makes you think that?” Dende asked.

“As soon as they find something good on TV they usually ignore the outside the world for awhile.” Piccolo replied, turning his head away from the Earth as the new version Cold Empire flew towards the entertainment district of Satan City for a game of mini golf.

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Will Kuriza’s new Cold Empire take over the universe?
Are Saiyans good mini golfers?
How many people realise I didn’t make Z, Onio or Kuriza up?
Is “Imperial Takeovers In The Name Of Evil And You” at Blockbuster?

Find out the answers in Part Two of The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire!

And for those who want more Neko Majin Z goodness the first three chapters can be downloaded from Toriyamaworld.com and chapters 4 and 5 will be up on daizex.com soon.

[Little Syxx]

The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire: Part Two

The new Cold Empire stopped in mid-air. They were flying towards “Satan City Putters” for a vigorous round of mini gold when Onio’s scouter went off.

“Lord Kuriza, I’m detecting more Saiyans in that building down there. Two halflings.”

Kuriza looked towards the other Saiyans. “Do you know these other Saiyans?”

Nappa nodded. “Yeah. Goten and Trunks. Their the sons of Kakarot and Prince Vegeta.”

“Then let’s fly down and go see ‘em.” Kuriza laughed. “I’m sure they’d like to be generals too.”

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Trunks sat in his classroom and sighed. It was only third period but he already felt like it was the end of the day. His teacher Mr Bore was at the front of the class, teaching the class about space travel but Trunks just ignored him and began drawing a picture of himself kicking Piccolo in the head.

“Heh. That’d be great.” He laughed when he suddenly looked up to Mr Bore.

“Pay attention Trunks.” Bore told him.

“Why?” Trunks asked. “I helped my mom build a space ship! I know about space travel.”

“Well then Trunks why don’t you walk up to the front of the class and show us how exactly to build one.”

Trunks grinned. “Gladly.”

The young Saiyan got up out of his seat and walked over to the chalkboard. “Now try not to lose me here folks.”

He began drawing various equations on the board, explaining it all as he did it. Halfway through there was a knock on the door. Mr Bore walked over, opened it and stepped back. As the new Cold Empire walked into the classroom.

“Greeting future slaves!” Kuriza shouted. “Who here goes by the name of Trunks.”

“Yo.” Trunks said walking over. “Who are you guys? And what are you doing with Brolly, Turles, Nappa and Radditz?”

“I am Kuriza and this is my bodyguard Onio. We are here to offer you the chance of a lifetime. I have decided to rebuild my families empire and to do so I need the most powerful beings in the universe by my side, the Saiyans. If you join me I guarantee you a life of wealth and power. You will be forever raised above the common man and live out the rest of your days as a god.”

“…Will it get me out of class?”

“Um, yes.”

“Then sign me up!”

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Their next stop was down the hall to the 7th grade classroom. Mr Grayson was in the middle of explaining to the class that sticking a threatening letter on his desk was not appropriate. Even if it did end with the words “just kidding“. Kuriza kicked down the door and walked into the center of the class.

“Which one of you is named Goten?”

Goten got up out of his seat. “That’d be me. Who are you?”

“I am Kuriza and this is my bodyguard Onio. We are here to offer you the chan-”

“Will it get me out of class?”

“Yes.”

Goten ran over to the Ice-jin and signed on the dotted line. “See ya guys! I’ll call ya when I get home Paris.”

“Um, sure…” She said as Goten and the rest of the new Cold Empire left the class.

“I really need a new job.” Grayson sighed, coming up from under his desk.

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Gohan, Videl, Goku, Vegeta and Z were sitting outside Kuriza’s ship. Gohan had just told them what was going on. Vegeta was obviously ranting about how stupid the other Saiyans were as Gohan was agreeing with him, Videl looked to be deep in thought and Goku and Z finished off the last bit of food in Kuriza’s ship.

“For intergalactic murderers they’ve sure got some good food.” Z sighed patting his stomach in satisfaction.

“Yeah.” Goku said with a nod. “It was almost as good as the food my wife makes.”

Z’s ears twitched. “You mean your wife makes better food that this!?”

“Yeah. The stuff she cooks is fantastic.”

“Will you two shut up about food!” Vegeta screamed. “We’ve got a situation here!”

“Goten and Trunks are with them now.” Gohan told them. “We do overpower them but what are we gonna do if they want to fight us? They can be pretty easy to trick…”

“We can kill them boy. I‘m sure Goten and Trunks could learn a lot while training under the North Kai. Or maybe that old geezer can unlock their powers like he did yours.”

“We’re not going to kill them Vegeta.” Goku said. “We just have to make them realise that the Cold Empire isn’t as great as Kuriza and Onio are telling them it is.”

Videl suddenly snapped her fingers. “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we just wish those other Saiyans who were with the guys when Radditz got trapped on Earth a few years back? They‘re older and probably know a lot more about how evil the Cold Empire was. I‘m sure when the Cold Empire asked King Vegeta about taking over Vegeta-sei they said it‘d be great for everybody and well…we all know it wasn’t in the end and I‘m sure those three can tell the others about that way better than we could.”

“Are you saying we should revive Saladaras and my parents!?” Goku asked, a big smile on his face.

“Yeah. Exactly.” Videl replied.

Vegeta growled. “No! No more Saiyans should be revived! Bardock and Zuchina were just two low class warriors and weren’t worth a d*mn thing and Saladaras ended up screwing us all over!”

“Awww come on Vegeta.” Goku said. “My parents and Saladaras seemed a lot more like you than the others.”

“I don’t care! No more Saiyans are to be revived!”

[Little Syxx]

“Yeesh. Calm down Captain Sun-Shine before you give us all Sun stroke.” Z groaned. “The girl’s idea isn’t that bad. I still think it’d be funner if we just walk over and beat all of them up.”

“Ha! If those four morons fused they’d tear you apart!” Vegeta laughed.

Z stood up and glared at Vegeta. “You’ve been bothering me since I got here. You’ve got something to say just say it!”

Vegeta glared at the Neko Majin and clenched his fists. “Do you wanna fight you little hair ball!?”

Z got up and nodded. “I sure do vegetable head.”

“Hey…it does kind of look like a vegetable.” Goku said.

Videl nodded. “Yeah. Kind of like a turnip.”

“Nah. The top of Vegeta’s head is too round to be a turnip.” Gohan said. “The bottom kind of looks like one though.”

Vegeta screamed and went all the way up to Super Saiyan 2 as the others gulped, fearing for Z‘s safety.

“Hey.” Z laughed. “I can do that too don’t you remember?”

Z gathered all of his energy and his ears stood on end as a gold aura surrounded his body and his fur turned gold.

“Wow. A Super Neko Majin.” Goku said, looking at Z in awe.

“This is an interesting development.” Gohan said as Videl shook her head and sighed.

“This isn’t an interesting development…this is just weird…”.

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In the entertainment district of Satan City the new Cold Empire landed outside “Satan City Putters.”

“So remember all of you newcomers. After this game of golf you’re going to be generals of my army until the you day. No ifs, ands or buts.”

“Fine.” Trunks said. “Let’s just play.”

“I call the red balls!” Goten shouted as the group walked in, scaring the crap out of the clerk behind the desk.

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Can a Super Neko Majin Z defeat a Super Saiyan 2 Vegeta?
Will Bardock, Zuchina and Saladaras be revived?
How much does a round of golf for 7 Saiyans and an Ice-jin cost?
Where the hell are Tien and Chiatzou?

Want the answers? Then read part Three of The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire!

[Little Syxx]

The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire: Part Three

Vegeta and Z stood across from one another, both in their races version of Super and both looking ready to fight.

“This is your last chance! Back out now or I’ll be forced to kill you!” Vegeta shouted, his trademark smirk on his face.

Z grinned. “Brrrrring! Brrrrrring! Yes, hello, this is Vegeta. What? You want be to return to HQ? Yes Lord Frieza! Right away!”

“You die now!”

Vegeta flew at Z but the Neko Majin easily dodged him. Vegeta tried again but ended up with the same results. The Saiyan looked back towards the Neko Majin and growled. Z was just ignoring him by balancing on his tail and reading a magna he had just pulled out of his pocket.

“Heh. Akira Toriyama…you slay me.”

“Put that d*mn book down and fight me!” Vegeta screamed.

Z held up one of fingers. “One second whatever your name is. I’m almost done the chapter…man how is Arale gonna get out of this one?”

Vegeta clenched his fists and ran towards Z, a ki blast in his hands. He threw it at him but Z just managed to avoid it. The ki blast flew off into the distance and struck a mountain causing it to collapse.

“Man, you’ve gotta calm down.” Z sighed. “You’ll probably live a lot longer.”

“Just shut up and fight me!”

“Fine!”

Z flew at Vegeta and kneed him in the gut then caught him with an uppercut. Vegeta stumbled back a little as a cheesy grin spread across Z’s face.

“There. Better now?”

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At “Satan City Putters” the new Cold Empire were just starting the first hole.

“Radditz, Nappa, your first job as generals in my new empire is to make sure the people ahead of us experience some extreme discomfort in the near future.” Kuriza ordered as he prepared to tee off. “They took forever!”

“Got ’cha.” Radditz said as the two walked towards the small group ahead of them.

“So, what’s up with all the pointy hats?” Nappa demanded the small group of children.

“Um, it’s my birthday.” One of them replied.

“Well then…here’s your first present of the day courtesy of the Cold Empire!” Nappa shouted smacking the kid over the head with his putter, knocking him out.

“Whose next!?”

The kids all ran off as Radditz looked down at the unconcious kid and took his wallet.

“Wow! This kid is loaded!”

The two walked back towards Kuriza who had an approving smile on his face.

“Good work you two. If you continue doing stuff like that for me in the future you’ll become my right and left hand men in no time!”

“Ka? Ka rott ka ka!” Brolly shouted.

“I don’t decide who gets what position in my army based on strength. I decide based on service and for that little outburst Brolly you have to putt last.”

“Rott.” Brolly sighed in defeat walking to the back of the line as Kuriza hit his ball and it stopped just ahead of the hole. A tiny ki blast from Turles fixed that though as the ball rolled the extra centimetre or two into the hole.

“Hole in one!” Kuriza shouted joyfully as the full blooded Saiyans ran over and raised the young Ice-jin on their shoulders and Goten and Trunks stared at them.

“I’m starting to think this was a bad idea Trunks.”

“Well, would you rather be back in class?”

“Good point. All hail Kuriza!”

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In the desert the battle between Vegeta and Z continued. Well, maybe calling it a battle would be an understatement. A one sided beat down would be a more appropriate term as Z continued his assault on Vegeta.

“How can you be so strong!?” Vegeta shouted, barely dodging one of Z’s kicks.

“Beats me.” The Neko Majin replied. “I guess I’m just lucky.”

Vegeta jumped up and managed to boot Z in the face hard enough to take him down.

“Well, apparently your not lucky enough!” Vegeta laughed as he transformed into the 4th stage of Super Saiyan.

“…Nice pants. Still listen to the village people I see.”

“Shut up you little freak! Prepare to die!”

“For some reason a guy who looks like he’s wearing eye liner and tight leather pants telling me to die isn’t causing to involuntarily wet myself in fear.”

Vegeta flew at Z again and kneed him in the stomach then began punching him and hit him with an elbow that sent him to the ground below. Vegeta went to stomp him but he managed to dodge the foot flying towards his head and kicked Vegeta in the crotch. The Saiyan Prince stepped back, his nether regions violated and fell to his knees. He curled up into a ball and began shaking as he dropped out of Super Saiyan 4.

“Now that’s just ridiculous.” Z sighed.

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On top of the look out Gohan, Videl, Goku, Piccolo, Dende and Popo looked down at the Earth. While Vegeta and Z were fighting each other and the new Cold Empire continued beating children with putters and cheating to give Kuriza multiple holes in one Gohan, Goku and Videl decided Videl’s plan to revive Bardock, Zuchina and Saladaras to talk some sense into the Saiyans who had joined Kuriza was much better than standing around and watching Vegeta and Z fight and attempted to gather the Dragon Balls. What they had forgotten though was that the Dragon Balls were used recently to revive four of the Saiyans in question.

“What are we going to do now?” Gohan asked. “I’m sure Trunks and Goten are only doing this so they could get out of class for a Friday afternoon but what about the others?”

[Little Syxx]

“I say we kill them. I’ll get the clubs. Killing most of them with our hands and ki blasts would be too easy.”

“We’re not killing them Piccolo! We just need to figure out a way to convince them being members of the Cold Empire, no matter how glamorous it may sound, is a stupid idea.”

“I don’t know Gohan.” Videl said. “I honestly can’t think of anything and fully support Piccolo’s clubbing them to death plan. It‘s got character.”

Piccolo nodded. “Then grab a club and let’s get bludgeoning.”

Before the two could grab their clubs though Goku stopped them.

“I’ve got the perfect idea!” Goku said. “We all know how much they seem to like TV right? Well why don’t we make our own short movie like Kuriza did! Only our movie will be the exact opposite of Kuriza’s! ’Imperial Takeovers In The Name Of Evil And Why They’re Not For You!’ It’s perfect!”

The others stared at Goku for a few seconds and let the idea sink in.

“That’s actually not half bad dad.” Gohan said.

“Yeah.” Videl agreed. “It’s a lot less messier than the clubbing them to death method.”

“I suppose it could work.” Piccolo sighed. “But were going to have to be quick. Can we make a movie the Saiyans will enjoy in less than an hour?”

“Well, they liked the movie about the Cell Games…” Gohan told him.

“Perfect! That movie took like two minutes to make!” Piccolo said grabbing a pencil and a pad of paper. “Okay everybody, whose going to be playing who?”

“Why don’t we use sock puppets?” Goku asked. “That way we can all have multiple parts!”

“We’re not using sock puppets Goku. They scare the hell out of Nappa and we need him to pay attention to this film.”

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Back at “Satan City Putters” Brolly was just preparing to hit his ball. When he hit it, it flew past the hole, bounced off one of the props on the golf course, bounce off one of the other props then hit Onio right between the eyes.

“My nose! He broke my nose!” Onio cried as Kuriza and the others burst into laughter.

“Well sorry Onio but them’s the breaks!” Kuriza shouted causing the full blooded Saiyans to laugh even louder.

“Ugh, that was lame.” Trunks groaned.

“Yeah. That was King Kai lame.” Goten replied.

Kuriza looked towards the two in anger and walked over to them.

“Well, if you two don’t respect my uncanny ability to make humorous observations then maybe I should find two new generals who can.”

“Maybe you should.” Trunks said as he and Goten flew off. Before they went out of sight though Brolly picked up their discarded putters and threw them.

“Ha! Brolly hit Goten in the back of his head with his own putter!” Turles laughed as Kuriza nodded.

“Good work Brolly. Now, let’s start the next hole. It’s getting hot out.”

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Will Goku’s plan to stop Kuriza work?
Are Goten and Trunks going to plan their own method of vengeance against Kuriza?
Will Vegeta recover from the trauma of a kick to the groin anytime soon?
We still don’t know what happened with Tien and Chiatzou do we?

Find out the answers to the first three questions in the fourth and final part of The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire!

[Little Syxx]

The Re-Rise Of The Cold Empire: Summary Of Part Four

As Gohan and the others begin making the movie they realise it’s a stupid idea and it’d be a lot easier just to go to Satan City Putters and beat up Kuriza and Onio.

-

Vegeta recovers from his kick to the genitals from Z and the two of them also decide to battle Kuriza, and as they’re about to leave Sharpener, driven insane by having to share a room with Radditz, hijacked Kuriza’s ship and decided to fly to a better place.

-

As the new Cold Empire make it to the 5th hole the Z Warriors arrive and are about to battle each other when three 4, 000 robots from the planet Randome arrive and say they will battle the new Cold Empire instead. Kuriza and the others fly away but are followed by the robots and the Z Warriors.

-

The groups all arrive at an area near the World Tournament island and begin to battle it out. During the battle Gohan almost drowns but is saved by one of the 4, 000 foot tall robots when they give him CPR.

-

Z has Kuriza nearly beaten as Vegeta is taking care of Onio and the Saiyans are watching TV on one of the robots but Kuriza and Onio manage to get away by promising Vegeta a good fight after they train for a few months. The other Z Warriors begin arguing with Vegeta but suddenly one of the robots pulls out a bunch of ice cream cones, gives them to the Z Warriors, leaves and everything returns back to normal.

Videl “Y’know. I think I’ve finally gotten used to stuff like this.”

-

Sharpener lands on the Planet of the 4, 000 foot robots and is made thier new leader.

-

Yeah seeing as I'm working on another parody fic right now I thought I'd just post a summary of stupid ending involving robots...

Still, there are some important plot twists that could effect the other fics...like Kuirza losing his ship and Sharpener traveling to another planet and becoming it's leader.

[Trunksangel79]

That had some pretty funny parts in it.LMAO ROFL
That was an entertaining story.